out of sorts: my reaction to today

wake up in a trance. splash cold water on my face and stare at myself in the mirror, trying to wake up. do my makeup and hair, then get dressed. thats the easy part: i have the same uniform everyday. get all of my stuff together (today I have all 7 of my classes). grab a bagel for the car, and off to school. the time is exactly half past too-early-o'clock.

 school, school, school. talk, listen, take notes. yawn. listen, write, discuss holocaust. in English, note that the book NIGHT shows how terrible people can be and also how much the human body can physically and mentally endure. then math, numbers, on a screen, laughing with friends. yawn. bell rings. walk to locker, head to enrichment. Bell Rings. begin learning sign language.

BAM

the first bomb has gone off but I dont know it. i dont know whats happened.

BAM, the second.

 

continue learning sign language. i am confused, moving my hands, not sure what I am even saying. the bell rings. i gather my things and walk to the bus. i had left my lunch box there the week before. i thank my bus driver and sit down, waiting for us to leave. hour and a half bus ride. i fall asleep. my mother picks us up from the bus. she is strangely quiet. the others leave. its five fifteen. we drive home.

 

My mom tells me the news. 

 

two bombs had gone at finish line of the Boston Marathon

while I was in school.

 

I am immediately on Facebook, trying to think of something to say.

What is the right thing to say in these times of tragedy?

Haven't we had enough?

I go online to try to figure out what exactly happened. Fascinated, saddened, shocked, and terrified by such horrors, I need to know.

I find this article and this article.

 

and for some reason, i feel a bit of closure. We will make it through. No, this is not okay; no, we have not yet solved who did this or why...but we can survive. We have survived tragedies such as these and tragedies much worse than these before.

I am praying for those affected by today's events, and for their sakes, let everyone band together and remain strong.

May everyone go to sleep in safety tonight, holding their loved ones in their hearts just a little more closely.